How do you find out who you are?

I am Shannon Hadley, father of three boys, husband to Megan Hadley and owner of a small company. I enjoy regular exercise and healthy eating. I like animals; dogs are my favourite. I have an older brother. I live in…..

Consider how you define yourself. Who are you?

Maybe you identify as middle class or of modest income. Maybe you describe yourself as of average build, blue eyes and dark hair. Take a moment to describe who you are.

Most people might start running through a similar list, recounting a number of things that they would use on a dating site to fill a profile. Listing preferences or dislikes as a means to define who they are or how they are perceived.

This is how I once would describe who I am. I would define myself using a backstory, by my relationships, by my habits, through the things I own or where I live. I cannot say I am completely free of that way of thinking, but I wholeheartedly believe there is a lot more to me.

Imagine for a moment that due to some strange turn of events, you had to be placed in witness protection. For your own safety you must go into hiding. You have to change your name, move across the country, leave all your relationships behind, change professions and you are even told to take up new hobbies. These scary criminals are really looking for you so you undergo plastic surgery to change your appearance. If all that were to happen, you would then be a different person by the means that you originally defined yourself. Right? Not really, you are still the same person although looking and living differently.

Which really makes you think ‘who am I? Ask yourself, who am I really?

I have come to the conclusion that the idea of ‘you’ is a made up compilation of internal opinions that you have either formed for yourself or have taken on from others. The reality of who you are is terribly tricky to grasp because the very process of thinking about ‘who you are’ is being shaped by the perception you have of yourself. By the process of observation, the observed is affecting the subject. Indeed it is very hard to have an objective opinion when you are your own subject.

Through my quest for Better Life Living, I had to try to answer this seemingly simple question. That is when I started to realise that it is this inner filter- no matter how hard to grasp- that has a very big effect on how you see the world and what you believe is possible in your life. This is not to say that I have that all-seeing insight into who you truly are, but I have figured out the road to self-discovery and some practices that can guide you to learn more about yourself.

Practice something immersive

The act of completely immersing yourself in a task or activity provides the space in which the inner warrior in you can come out. Try and find an activity that requires a relative skill set to complete. At first you may find yourself slogging away at learning your newly adopted practice, but after some time you will just flow with the activity. It is in that little space that I have come to know a lot about the ‘idea’ that is me.

Be prepared to clock in some hours doing something you enjoy, but be sure to choose something that is difficult enough to consume your brain and be repetitive that it will eventually become autopilot.

Here is a list of activities that I have found really great for practising immersion:

• Swimming (pool or ocean)
• Meditation or Chinese exercises.
• Gardening (the easy repetitive stuff)
• Distance running
• Massaging people (this was my first Job out of Uni)

Lately, I have been preoccupied with practising Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ) and can testify to the endurance this practice requires and the resilience it brings about. BBJ is sort of like Judo, but after the person gets thrown to the ground, they do not stand back up and continue grappling on the ground. I did not include BBJ in my list as moments of clarity have only occurred a few times in my ten years of practice, which makes it a poor suggestion for beginners. The open flow setting of BJJ rolling makes it surprising that a person can achieve moments of clarity at any point, but it does happen and it is in these moments you see who you are.

If you are not certain about my list or there is nothing that appeals to you, not to worry. There are numerous other activities and here are a few enjoyable practices that practitioners recommend for that clarity of mind effect that I have experienced in my activities.

• Art (painting, drawing or sculpture)
• Playing musical instruments
• Horse riding (cross country)
• Surfing
• Bike riding

The key here is immersion and dedication to your practice. You need to become proficient with the activity. With practice, you will begin to realise that you can literally do it with your mind switched off. In that moment of immersion, you will learn about yourself. If you go to that place enough, the inner you will start to shine and the whole world will start to reflect it.