Change, It is happening

Here is a rock solid truth. Things are going to change.

I know that seems obvious, but people spend a whole lot of time trying to avoid change when it is probably one of the few guarantees in life. So now you know, change is constant. Change is happening every day in countless ways, big and small, the question is, are you ready to accept this fact of life?

Are you making conscious choices to prepare for change, to live with what it brings, and truly be open to change? Or are you in the back seat of the Change Wagon, traveling on the forgotten road to who knows where?

At the beginning of my quest for Better Life Living, I realised the majority of humans know exactly what changes to make most of the time. Particularly if you live, as I do, in an information-rich, privileged country. It’s pretty simple really, isn’t it?

Smoking is bad for you, if you do it every day, you will get sick. So stop!

Getting angry with your partner is damaging your relationship. So improve your communication style!

Eating chocolate every day is making you fat. So start eating blueberries and other antioxidant-rich fruits instead!

Exercise makes you less stressed. So get out there and do more of it!

I know these sound like oversimplifications, but really there is not much more to it.

Even though we know that change is happening every day, why don’t we take charge by changing basic habits that would make a better life? The reality is positive purposeful change can be hard. There can be deep rooted psychological patterns that hold you in negative habits and prevent you from taking up more positive behaviors.

There is always that inner critic, that voice, saying who the hell are you to take charge of your life, make positive changes, push old glass ceilings and fancy up your life? To this, I say – how outrageous it is to not be the absolute very best version of yourself!

This is not a practice run, remember we are not rehearsing for the big performance, this life is the big performance, we might as well be at our best. So how can we drive change in a more positive direction?

Here are a couple of tips that will help. This is just a start and we will cover other strategies in the future.

 

1) Focus where you want to be

Strangely most of us think about giving things up. Giving up smoking, giving up drinking, eating less fatty food. This style of thinking started from early childhood. You often hear parents say “don’t spill that”, which gives the child a mental picture of spilling it, and we all know what happens next. When we think or say ‘Giving up’ or ‘Don’t do’ or ‘Do Less of’, your mind jams a picture of you doing that undesirable thing right away in your thoughts.

Your mind is a super fast processor, flashing through hundreds of images in an instant. So when you say, ‘I am giving up smoking’, your brain has a picture of you smoking in your mind in about 20 milliseconds. So while your words and mental dialogue might be saying, “I am giving up smoking”, the mental image that arises is one of you actually smoking.

The other problem with giving things up is that it feels like we are going without. Sweet food tastes nice, so saying you are giving up sweets feels like you are denying yourself something that you like. This will just lead to you being a sugar-deprived person who thinks they are missing out on something important to them.

A better approach is to take things up. Taking things up eventually leads the old, less desirable behavior to leave on its own accord. Taking stuff up feels like progress. It feels like we are moving in a positive direction. It feels like growth and expansion.

Let’s pick an easy example, ‘you wish to eat less junk food’.

To start, try considering why you eat junk food. Here are some possible reasons:

• Convenient and fast.
• It seems cheap.
• You can’t cook very well or can’t be bothered.
• Thinking healthy eating is just too much effort.
• It’s fun to eat junk food when you are stressed or upset.

So what to do?

• When you have time on Sundays, cook 6 meals for the week.
• Change your kitchen routine so you are preparing breakfast or lunch while you’re making dinner.
• Read up on affordable and healthy diets.
• Have a cooking day with friends and swap some meals you have prepared for each other.
• Take a cooking class or buy some cookbooks and start cooking.
• Research the health benefits of certain foods.
• Take up some stress management strategies like exercise or meditation.
• Have some simple snacks around to help you get through those tough times, like when you’re likely to binge out on emotional eating

I am not suggesting giving up junk food. Rather I am suggesting taking on positive life activities so then there is no junk food problem, there is a healthy lifestyle!

 

2) How to Take up new stuff?

The best guarantee of success is to have a go.

95% of every successful moment happens simply just by turning up and continuing to show up.

I know that takes the romance out of it, but in my experience, this statement couldn’t be truer. If you do not want to rest on my opinion, check out Malcolm Gladwell’s ‘Outliers’. It is a good read that breaks down success into the simple result of accumulated hours. There is some talent that is needed, but natural talent is the lesser factor when compared to accumulated hours at the craft (whatever that might be).

By now we all know that Bill Gates became a software genius because he had a flair for it, but more importantly, he got the hours in at a time when not many people even had access to computers.

So whatever it is you want to be successful at, realise it is a simple accumulation of hours. If you want to have a nice body, a big factor will be spending some hours in the gym. If you want to be a good cook, it will be a reflection of hours spent in the kitchen, experimenting, tasting, learning and – you guessed it, cooking!

I can guarantee that you are more likely to succeed than the lazy, misguided genius who thinks he’s owed it all just by the virtue of having the smarts. So go on, get out there and prove me right!

So let’s think about the new positive habit you are taking up. The success of the new habit will completely depend on you turning up.

Stop negotiating with yourself about the gym. Just turn up to the gym consistently and you will have a 100% guarantee that you will get fitter. Do you want to eat healthily? Get in the kitchen with ingredients to make healthy meals and there you are. You want a better relationship, set a regular time to do things with your partner that you both enjoy.

The results will be directly proportional to the number of hours you put into the new habit.

Keep it simple, just set non-negotiable attendance standards and you can basically guarantee success in any new endeavor.

It will be hard at first but once you reap a few positive achievements as a result of this process, you will find it increasingly easy to take things up. In all honesty, you will need to be careful as to what you put your mind to because it will happen, just the way you thought it would.

 

3)  One change at a time

Change is hard to maintain, particularly if we are looking to break old habits. So tackle one thing at a time and give yourself a chance to groove into the new practice.

I have failed in the past simply by overloading myself with too much change at one time. For example, someone might decide they are going to get healthy. A likely list to go with this goal may include exercising 3 times per week, balanced meals every night, not eating sweets after dinner and cutting back on the visits to the pub. All sounds good, right?

No! Sounds like you will go well for a few weeks or maybe a month, then some cracks will start to appear. Missed exercise sessions, the odd sweet surprise and soon enough you will have to go to the pub under the pretense that you deserve some fun.

A better approach would be to say I am going to get healthy.

I have been working at getting unhealthy for like 20 years, so now I am going to take my time and get healthy over the next 6 months. For the next month, I am going to start off by exercising twice per week. That is an achievable goal and the likelihood of success is much higher. In a months time, you will likely have established your exercise routine and then you can tackle another change.

Whatever change you make, only have one change happening at any one time. This will increase the energy available to focus on making that change permanent. Very, very importantly, do not go onto the next change if you have not been able to maintain the first change for 30 days.

That is all there is to it.

Making positive and lasting change is a key factor in Better Life Living.

We have only scratched the surface here, so watch for future stories as we unfold other strategies that will help you on your journey.